The Year of the Lord's Favor

This evening I had the honor of spending some fellowship time with some amazing people that I wish I could spend more time with. A lovely lady named Hannah shared some stuff on Isaiah 61, stuff that really resonated with me in my own heart. Verse 10 was particularly spoken about, God clothes us with garments of salvation and robes of righteousness. What I got from this is that even when I count my own self unworthy, God still thinks I am worthy enough to be saved from my own self. Did you get that? God thinks WE are worthy enough to be saved through Christ, who shed his blood on the cross for all of the sin in our lives. It seems such a cliche thing but it really isn't and it's something that shouldn't be taken for granted, as we so often do at times. God's love is a thousand times, an infinity times, beyond anything I could ever imagine, because he sacrificed to save my soul, your soul, their soul. Every one.
It just blows my mind and makes me want to love in explosive love at times.

Another thing that really hit me hard tonight is that God still needs to heal my brokenness. I think I've fooled myself and somehow put up a mask to tell myself and others that I am okay. I think I am okay in some parts and I know I'm growing in God, but my heart still feels weary every now and again because of a memory or a thought or seeing other people being completely happy and in love. But it's so hard for me to be vulnerable around people, when they ask me HOW are you going, how are you REALLY going. It makes me feel sick that I've gotten to this stage where I skip over the raw wounds of my broken life and just open up the really great parts of my life to others. If I have done that to you, I am sorry. I am sorry for not being as honest or open as I should be with you. I hope I find the strength I need through God to open up my heart a little bit more to people I love. Dammit, now I'm making myself cry.

Anyway, I hope and pray to be continuing in my healing so that every part of my life may be used for God's glory as described in chapter 61.

The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all who mourn;
to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified.
- Isaiah 61:1-3 (ESV)