Today marks my first day using WordPress, as of now all of my blog posts will be posted there along with all posts and comments I imported from here.
Get to my new blog here myhurtishope.wordpress.com
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Monday, March 07, 2011
Marriage
The big M word. Something that is sometimes so often misunderstood and complex, particularly by people like me. Which is fair enough, marriage is something I probably won't experience for a while now. But I think it's really vital that I understand how important marriage is before I even think about getting into a relationship with a guy (I feel like that's not the right word, 'guy' seems degrading, a 'guy' that I would fall in love with and want to commit myself to in relationship is someone who would be more of more value to me than just some 'guy').
Last week my church pastor gave a talk at the Uni evangelical students Bible talk about Marriage and divorce. He shared on Mark 10:1-12, in which some Pharisees asked Jesus (but were blatantly testing him) about divorce and if it's of the law. Jesus replies that even though Moses permitted a man to divorce his wife, this does not apply to marriage now, that marriage is sacred because of the man leaving his family to be with his wife and so forth.
There are two things that my pastor said really struck a chord within me and they're both things that I want to hold tight to within my life, for my future relationships.
The first, 'marriage is the strength of commitment towards each other, not the strength of attraction'. I think it's pretty obvious what he's saying here, but I guess to me it means that there needs to be a greater purpose in my future relationship with a guy. That being with someone isn't meant to be about whether or not we are attracted to each other, but how committed we are towards each other. Attraction, inevitably, does not mean strength of a relationship. Attraction is not what's going to get me and my future partner through times where we may disagree with each other or when one of us is feeling sad or angry. It's all going to depend on how much my future partner and I are willing to commit to each other under God's love, no matter the circumstances, because that is what will get us through our fights, our roller coasters and our sad times etc.
The second really cool thing my pastor said was that 'marriage is protected by making it more expensive'. What this means for me personally is that I need to keep the sacredness of marriage so that it is something that neither me or my future husband will back out of later down the track. The more we make marriage important and something that is God-given, the more chance that our marriage is something that will last. Because that's what marriage is, a bonding that cannot be broken.
God warns us against divorce, firstly because it's breaking a vow, the vow that you promised to be with your partner no matter what. And secondly because all breakups are inevitably messy. Each time a relationship is broken up, a piece of you gets left behind and that's something I know too well of. Even in relationships that don't end up in marriage, there is definitely some unfortunate process of losing a little bit of yourself.
But I guess, positively, I want to say that through all this and through my experiences I know that when I get married, it will be to the right person and at the right time. The right time that is in God's plan for me. I know that God's teaching me that I need to be taking a more serious perspective of marriage and that marriage isn't what I thought it is a year ago.
Much apologies for the essay this post turned out to be. It's becoming something that's really important to me, especially when it's been a dream and desire of mine to be married and raise a family in Christ's love.
Last week my church pastor gave a talk at the Uni evangelical students Bible talk about Marriage and divorce. He shared on Mark 10:1-12, in which some Pharisees asked Jesus (but were blatantly testing him) about divorce and if it's of the law. Jesus replies that even though Moses permitted a man to divorce his wife, this does not apply to marriage now, that marriage is sacred because of the man leaving his family to be with his wife and so forth.
There are two things that my pastor said really struck a chord within me and they're both things that I want to hold tight to within my life, for my future relationships.
The first, 'marriage is the strength of commitment towards each other, not the strength of attraction'. I think it's pretty obvious what he's saying here, but I guess to me it means that there needs to be a greater purpose in my future relationship with a guy. That being with someone isn't meant to be about whether or not we are attracted to each other, but how committed we are towards each other. Attraction, inevitably, does not mean strength of a relationship. Attraction is not what's going to get me and my future partner through times where we may disagree with each other or when one of us is feeling sad or angry. It's all going to depend on how much my future partner and I are willing to commit to each other under God's love, no matter the circumstances, because that is what will get us through our fights, our roller coasters and our sad times etc.
The second really cool thing my pastor said was that 'marriage is protected by making it more expensive'. What this means for me personally is that I need to keep the sacredness of marriage so that it is something that neither me or my future husband will back out of later down the track. The more we make marriage important and something that is God-given, the more chance that our marriage is something that will last. Because that's what marriage is, a bonding that cannot be broken.
God warns us against divorce, firstly because it's breaking a vow, the vow that you promised to be with your partner no matter what. And secondly because all breakups are inevitably messy. Each time a relationship is broken up, a piece of you gets left behind and that's something I know too well of. Even in relationships that don't end up in marriage, there is definitely some unfortunate process of losing a little bit of yourself.
But I guess, positively, I want to say that through all this and through my experiences I know that when I get married, it will be to the right person and at the right time. The right time that is in God's plan for me. I know that God's teaching me that I need to be taking a more serious perspective of marriage and that marriage isn't what I thought it is a year ago.
Much apologies for the essay this post turned out to be. It's becoming something that's really important to me, especially when it's been a dream and desire of mine to be married and raise a family in Christ's love.
Sunday, March 06, 2011
Memories can be so vivid
Isn't it funny how some memories from our pasts can seem so vague, yet some seem so clear?
I was just remembering my first night at a youth group I wanted to check out. It was a 'Big Night In' and it was the first time I ever experienced and played DDR (Dance Dance Revolution), which I late got hooked on. I remember being so excited about going not only because it would a whole new group of faces for me but also was my end of week celebration because I got back from a grueling 4 day hiking school camp in the Flinders Rangers.
I guess that night is so memorable because that is when I started making real connections with other Christians within my community and when I started realizing I needed to be a bit more real in my faith.
I was just remembering my first night at a youth group I wanted to check out. It was a 'Big Night In' and it was the first time I ever experienced and played DDR (Dance Dance Revolution), which I late got hooked on. I remember being so excited about going not only because it would a whole new group of faces for me but also was my end of week celebration because I got back from a grueling 4 day hiking school camp in the Flinders Rangers.
I guess that night is so memorable because that is when I started making real connections with other Christians within my community and when I started realizing I needed to be a bit more real in my faith.
Thursday, March 03, 2011
My Hurt is Hope
For a long time my blog has always been under the one Karina coined term "K-logged Up". But I think, especially recently, I feel like my blog is not mine but it is the pain, hope and praise that comes from my heart, all of my words belong to God. Just like my life is not my own, but it is God's.
So recently I changed it to "Berura", which I think means Karina in Hebrew. But there is a very big chance that that's incorrect, so today I lead myself to change my url once again. After going through a lot of Switchfoot lyrics I couldn't find anything that was available, but then I though initially what I want everything in my blog to be about stuff that comes from the heart. So, "My Hurt is Hope" it is. All throughout my life I think all of the things I have gone through, God has been present (even when I couldn't feel him there) and he turns all my brokenness, pain and hurt to hope. Hope that I can share with others.
That is all.
So recently I changed it to "Berura", which I think means Karina in Hebrew. But there is a very big chance that that's incorrect, so today I lead myself to change my url once again. After going through a lot of Switchfoot lyrics I couldn't find anything that was available, but then I though initially what I want everything in my blog to be about stuff that comes from the heart. So, "My Hurt is Hope" it is. All throughout my life I think all of the things I have gone through, God has been present (even when I couldn't feel him there) and he turns all my brokenness, pain and hurt to hope. Hope that I can share with others.
That is all.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Just Something Quick
Sorry about my up and down-ness of these past couple of months. Healing doesn't always mean that I'll have a 100% okay day every day. So sometimes I just have to deal with it and pray that God takes me through.
I just wanted to say quickly before I hop into bed that even though these next 12 months or less or so are going to hold lots of hard times and times where I want everything I desire just to fall at my feet I want to still have a healthy prayer life, it's so important to be continuous with my walk and talk with God everyday so that I might do His will. Even if that means I'm not involved in youth ministry just yet or unavailable to drive a car independently or being okay with my status of singleness. All of these things I think I am pretty okay with right now, I need time to grow in love, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control. These are the things I need in my life more.
By the way, if you are someone who reads this blog regularly or even once off, I wouldn't mind a comment or two (anonymously if you feel you need to, even), in fact I like them a lot! Reading them encourages me so and reminds me that there are people with loving words that would wrap me up everytime I need a hug.
I just wanted to say quickly before I hop into bed that even though these next 12 months or less or so are going to hold lots of hard times and times where I want everything I desire just to fall at my feet I want to still have a healthy prayer life, it's so important to be continuous with my walk and talk with God everyday so that I might do His will. Even if that means I'm not involved in youth ministry just yet or unavailable to drive a car independently or being okay with my status of singleness. All of these things I think I am pretty okay with right now, I need time to grow in love, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control. These are the things I need in my life more.
By the way, if you are someone who reads this blog regularly or even once off, I wouldn't mind a comment or two (anonymously if you feel you need to, even), in fact I like them a lot! Reading them encourages me so and reminds me that there are people with loving words that would wrap me up everytime I need a hug.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Reckless Ride
Survived my first week of lectures for my Youth Work degree, one down and another hundred or so to go. It was actually pretty good, I did feel a little overwhelmed at looking at all of the papers I will need to complete this semester but in all reality it won't be so bad because they are spread out. I guess they just look kind of daunting when I read them on my subject outlines, all crammed together. My eyes read three or four 1,000-2,000 word assignments and the instant thought I have in my head is "HOW AM I GOING TO DO ALL THIS?".
This next coming week is when we dive into the first of the topics we are looking into and have our first tutorial groups. To be honest, I'm feeling a little stressed and unprepared about it but I'm sure I'll come out of the last lecture I have, on Wednesday, and breathe a sigh of relief.
I've had a bit of a down couple of days. Still feeling like the hurt from things that happened over half a year ago and feeling hopeless and weak because I still hurt. I don't understand why it still hurts. Perhaps it's because I still have too many memories of the past, memories that once made me happy and that now make me sick to think about. I feel like it's this never ending pain, that even though I never want to go back there, I still feel this complete heart ache to relive those moments in time that once made me happy. I am spending more time with God and enjoying being around people I love but the pain always hangs around me like a small cloud I feel like I can never be rid of.
I want to get out of this crap hole I fell into.
I am worn out from my groaning. All night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. Psalm 6:6 NIV
This next coming week is when we dive into the first of the topics we are looking into and have our first tutorial groups. To be honest, I'm feeling a little stressed and unprepared about it but I'm sure I'll come out of the last lecture I have, on Wednesday, and breathe a sigh of relief.
I've had a bit of a down couple of days. Still feeling like the hurt from things that happened over half a year ago and feeling hopeless and weak because I still hurt. I don't understand why it still hurts. Perhaps it's because I still have too many memories of the past, memories that once made me happy and that now make me sick to think about. I feel like it's this never ending pain, that even though I never want to go back there, I still feel this complete heart ache to relive those moments in time that once made me happy. I am spending more time with God and enjoying being around people I love but the pain always hangs around me like a small cloud I feel like I can never be rid of.
I want to get out of this crap hole I fell into.
I am worn out from my groaning. All night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. Psalm 6:6 NIV
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Thankful Tuesday
It seems I skipped last week, though technically I was busy with orientation for uni and then hanging out with people and doing more IRL stuff got in the way.
This week I am thankful for:
Hugs
It seems such a simple and small thing to give to someone but to someone that might be having a rough week or just generally feels a bit unloved it can mean a lot. I think I take hugs for granted, so sometimes I forget to hug people and then I regret it after because what would happen if they died the next day or I never saw them again because they move away or they decide that they don't want to talk to me anymore?
I miss getting hugs from certain people because they were the kind of people that I could stand and hug for ages and it not feel awkward or they just had the most perfect hugs because the way we fit.
I feel so silly at times when I feel like it's awkward hugging someone because I'm not sure how long we should hug before it gets weird and then it just ends up being an average hug because all I keep thinking in my mind is "OH this hug is amazing, I want to stay here forever. But I better break away before it gets too weird!". I hope I let go of this fear soon because I would like longer hugs, I feel like I don't get them enough.
Anyway, overall I think hugs are pretty amazing and they are possibly one of the greatest forms of comfort and I really like that people will give of them so much when I need a good old bear hug. I also enjoy hugging others to let them know I'm there for them and that God still loves them. I think they are such a really lovely blessing from God.
This week I am thankful for:
Hugs
It seems such a simple and small thing to give to someone but to someone that might be having a rough week or just generally feels a bit unloved it can mean a lot. I think I take hugs for granted, so sometimes I forget to hug people and then I regret it after because what would happen if they died the next day or I never saw them again because they move away or they decide that they don't want to talk to me anymore?
I miss getting hugs from certain people because they were the kind of people that I could stand and hug for ages and it not feel awkward or they just had the most perfect hugs because the way we fit.
I feel so silly at times when I feel like it's awkward hugging someone because I'm not sure how long we should hug before it gets weird and then it just ends up being an average hug because all I keep thinking in my mind is "OH this hug is amazing, I want to stay here forever. But I better break away before it gets too weird!". I hope I let go of this fear soon because I would like longer hugs, I feel like I don't get them enough.
Anyway, overall I think hugs are pretty amazing and they are possibly one of the greatest forms of comfort and I really like that people will give of them so much when I need a good old bear hug. I also enjoy hugging others to let them know I'm there for them and that God still loves them. I think they are such a really lovely blessing from God.
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