First real blog post for 2011, no expectations and no ideals. I'm just going to be blogging from the heart, because that's what my blog is for.
I feel so happy to be starting anew again, but at the same time I feel completely lost.
I've known for a while that my life still goes on without the things I thought were really important to me and I'm glad that it does. The downside is that I'm still feeling pretty low, I turn 23 this year and I feel like life is beginning all over again for me this year.
I'm single for the fourth time in my life and there's only so much one girl's heart can take a breaking of before she feels like love has no chance of happening again. I keep thinking in my mind that if no one so far has committed to keeping me, then what is the chance of it ever happening? I feel like my heart is just something that means nothing and that it's okay to abuse it's love. How the heck do guys think it's okay to pull a girl through a long, meaningful relationship, only to drop it like it means nothing? That kind of crap just messes me up. I hate it.
When will a man ever treat me with respect and love me enough to not just say "yes, I want to spend the rest of my life with YOU", but to actually go through with it? I'm beginning to lose my hope in a life spent with a man that I can share love with and raising a family.
It's not fair, I have all this love in my heart and no significant other to share it with, without it being rejected. I feel like there's something incredibly wrong with me, that's so terrible that absolutely no one has the ability to see past it and love me.
Guys are jerkweeds, kick 'em in the groin.
2 comments:
Karina - you have such a beautiful heart.
I feel sad that you have had a bunch of stupid guys - they sound immature. I'm sure all girls would feel exactly the same way as you in your situation.
What I do know is that we have a God that loves us, individually, and he has a perfect plan for each of us. He has the most fulfilling life planned for you, and it may end up involving a mature, sensible guy and some awesome kids, but then again it may be something even better.
Follow God with all your heart, and talk to him constantly about how you're feeling. Not only does he know you inwardly and love you painfully, he wants you to talk to him about all the tough stuff too.
You are such a precious girl Karina - you're great and you will be a great soldier.
Thank-you, anonymous. =]
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